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A woman from northern Vietnam’s mountainous region is proving that success is always achievable, regardless of the hardships life throws at a person.

When Be Thi Bang had to have a leg amputated at the age of 24, she realized she was at a crossroads.

Would she allow her disability to hold her back from her dreams or would she refuse to let it stand in the way of living her life?

Now, just eight years after losing her leg, 32-year-old Bang is the co-founder of a private dental clinic and the owner of several homestays in Hanoi.

A graduate of the Thai Nguyen University of Medicine in the namesake province, Bang spent her first few years after graduation working at a dental clinic in Hanoi.

Just a few years into her career, however, her life was derailed when she was struck by a tractor trailer on her way home from a friend’s house and had to have her leg amputated.

“I cried my eyes out,” Bang recalled.

“It wasn’t just the pain that hurt me, it was also knowing that I was disabled.”

But Bang refused to let her disability get in the way of realizing her dreams and soon began involving herself in activities that forced her to face her situation head-on.

Her first step was purchasing a pair of crutches and learning how to walk on her own, despite the countless bruises and scratches she accrued from falling hundreds of times.

Yet Bang refused to give up and, in just one month, was able to walk on her own.

“The desire to walk again really motivated me to keep moving forward,” she said with pride.

Bang returned to her hometown ten months after the accident and, by chance, found an interest in dancing.

She started with basic moves wearing flats before working her way up to more complicated styles while donning a high heel on her leg.

Even so, she kept most of her practice a secret due to fears of public criticism for her disability.

In addition to dance, Bang also took up sports courses at a local club and participated in a beauty pageant for the disabled called “Ve Dep Vang Trang Khuyet” (The Complete Beauty of The Incomplete), in which she won the championship title.

After the accident, Bang had given up on the hope of finding true love until she met a German named Oturak Be.

The two began as pen pals until they married in 2017.

“Everyone deserves true love, and so do I,” she smiled with happiness.

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Walking their dog after dinner has always been a favorite daily activity of Tho Pham and his wife, a Vietnamese couple who live with their 39-year-old son in Garden Grove City, California.

But not in the last few months as the wave of anti-Asian violence and harassment has terrified him.

“I do not dare go out without my children because I am afraid someone will knock me to the ground or stab me to death just because I am Asian,” he laments, adding that the hate crimes have disrupted his daily life.

Many other Vietnamese share his apprehension, especially older people.

Wally Ng, a member of the Guardian Angels, patrols with other members in Chinatown in New York City, New York, U.S., May 16, 2020. Photo by Reuters.

Violence and hatred directed at Asian Americans, which also includes mugging, have surged across California since the beginning of the Covis-19 pandemic as Asians are blamed for its origin in Wuhan, China.

Videos of an Asian woman being punched in the face on a subway platform and a Thai man being pushed to the ground in San Francisco have sparked fears, and the Vietnamese community is traumatized.

Hoai Nguyen, a housewife in San Jose, home to the largest Vietnamese population in America, says: “It is annoying and scary when you go out and have to keep looking behind your back to see if you are being followed by someone suspicious.”

She has been called “coronavirus” several times while walking and shopping, but she had not expected the discrimination and hatred to turn violent and even murderous.

Last month the Vietnamese community in San Jose was shocked after a 64-year-old woman was robbed in front of Dai Thanh Supermarket during the Lunar New Year holidays.

Nguyen says with a sigh: “I cannot do that (go out) on my own because they may kill me. How weak I am and how cold-hearted those people are.”

Since older people are targeted, no one is comfortable letting their parents or grandparents go out alone though the first month of the lunar new year is typically filled with activities like meeting relatives and going to pagodas.

This year most had a subdued New Year also because of the pandemic.

Hong Nguyen, who is always accompanied by her children on the streets in Oakland these days, says: “It should be a time for celebration, we should meet our families and friends instead of being targeted or attacked.”

Solidarity

The potential threats have brought the Vietnamese diaspora together.

On Facebook groups, they post videos of Asians being assaulted or robbed to warn others about the growing threat in places like California and New York, home to many Vietnamese-Americans.

“Please help if you see anyone being verbally or physically attacked,” one person wrote in a group for people living in West Hills, California.

Some people give a helping hand to elders in their Vietnamese and Asian communities. In Oakland, for instance, there have been community initiatives including patrols by volunteers who escort seniors around the city.

“From our Chinese, Thai and Vietnamese elders to our youth, our Asian-American communities are traumatized, afraid and outraged during a time when we are also experiencing disproportionate impacts of the pandemic,” according to a joint agreement by Asian-American organizations in the Bay Area said, calling for non-police safety measures like volunteer neighborhood patrols.

Hong Nguyen’s sons and daughter, who are in their 20s, have joined many other Asians to protect elders in public places.

“Someone threw rocks at my sister’s house twice last week, and so five of us stand in front of her house in the evenings to see if those thugs come around again,” Hong Nguyen says, adding solidarity is their recourse now.

A 91-year-old Asian man is shoved to the ground from behind by a suspect in Chinatown in Oakland, California, January 31, 2021. Photo courtesy of Reutters.

Some people have taken a further step, gun ownership.

“I decided to buy a handgun this spring after seeing a series of mugging of Asians,” Nguyen Duc Phuc, 45, says. Owning a gun gives him and his wife peace of mind amid the senseless violence, he says.

“When I was in line waiting to buy the gun, two white guys called me ‘chin*’ and made fun of me because I wore a mask.”

The New York Times quoted David Liu, owner of Arcadia Firearm and Safety in the predominantly Asian city of Arcadia in California, as saying there is an uptick in Asian-Americans buying firearms though admittedly interest has been skyrocketing among “basically everybody.”

In a survey by the National Shooting Sports Foundation last year gun retailers estimated there was a nearly 43 percent increase in sales to Asian customers in the first half of 2020, the Times added.

But people like Pham, Phuc and Nguyen know that violence is never the correct response to violence.

On February 26 senior officials of the U.S. Justice Department claimed that the recent surge in violence and hate incidents against Asian-Americans is unacceptable, and promised to investigate those cases and other hate crimes.

These “horrific attacks on Asian-Americans across the country” have “no place in our society,” Deputy Attorney General John Carlin said while speaking about domestic terrorism, adding that the Justice Department is “committed to putting a stop to it.”

Agents and prosecutors at the department would “look at recent footage from New York and California to see those horrific attacks directed at Asian Americans, to realize how dire the threats are,” he said.

But in the meantime, Pham knows he needs his children with him if he wants to venture outside home.

“I just want to feel safe and not fear for my life when going out without disturbing my children.”

Walking their dog after dinner has always been a favorite daily activity of Tho Pham and his wife, a Vietnamese couple who live with their 39-year-old son in Garden Grove City, California.

But not in the last few months as the wave of anti-Asian violence and harassment has terrified him.

“I do not dare go out without my children because I am afraid someone will knock me to the ground or stab me to death just because I am Asian,” he laments, adding that the hate crimes have disrupted his daily life.

Many other Vietnamese share his apprehension, especially older people.

Wally Ng, a member of the Guardian Angels, patrols with other members in Chinatown in New York City, New York, U.S., May 16, 2020. Photo by Reuters.

Violence and hatred directed at Asian Americans, which also includes mugging, have surged across California since the beginning of the Covis-19 pandemic as Asians are blamed for its origin in Wuhan, China.

Videos of an Asian woman being punched in the face on a subway platform and a Thai man being pushed to the ground in San Francisco have sparked fears, and the Vietnamese community is traumatized.

Hoai Nguyen, a housewife in San Jose, home to the largest Vietnamese population in America, says: “It is annoying and scary when you go out and have to keep looking behind your back to see if you are being followed by someone suspicious.”

She has been called “coronavirus” several times while walking and shopping, but she had not expected the discrimination and hatred to turn violent and even murderous.

Last month the Vietnamese community in San Jose was shocked after a 64-year-old woman was robbed in front of Dai Thanh Supermarket during the Lunar New Year holidays.

Nguyen says with a sigh: “I cannot do that (go out) on my own because they may kill me. How weak I am and how cold-hearted those people are.”

Since older people are targeted, no one is comfortable letting their parents or grandparents go out alone though the first month of the lunar new year is typically filled with activities like meeting relatives and going to pagodas.

This year most had a subdued New Year also because of the pandemic.

Hong Nguyen, who is always accompanied by her children on the streets in Oakland these days, says: “It should be a time for celebration, we should meet our families and friends instead of being targeted or attacked.”

Solidarity

The potential threats have brought the Vietnamese diaspora together.

On Facebook groups, they post videos of Asians being assaulted or robbed to warn others about the growing threat in places like California and New York, home to many Vietnamese-Americans.

“Please help if you see anyone being verbally or physically attacked,” one person wrote in a group for people living in West Hills, California.

Some people give a helping hand to elders in their Vietnamese and Asian communities. In Oakland, for instance, there have been community initiatives including patrols by volunteers who escort seniors around the city.

“From our Chinese, Thai and Vietnamese elders to our youth, our Asian-American communities are traumatized, afraid and outraged during a time when we are also experiencing disproportionate impacts of the pandemic,” according to a joint agreement by Asian-American organizations in the Bay Area said, calling for non-police safety measures like volunteer neighborhood patrols.

Hong Nguyen’s sons and daughter, who are in their 20s, have joined many other Asians to protect elders in public places.

“Someone threw rocks at my sister’s house twice last week, and so five of us stand in front of her house in the evenings to see if those thugs come around again,” Hong Nguyen says, adding solidarity is their recourse now.

A 91-year-old Asian man is shoved to the ground from behind by a suspect in Chinatown in Oakland, California, January 31, 2021. Photo courtesy of Reutters.

Some people have taken a further step, gun ownership.

“I decided to buy a handgun this spring after seeing a series of mugging of Asians,” Nguyen Duc Phuc, 45, says. Owning a gun gives him and his wife peace of mind amid the senseless violence, he says.

“When I was in line waiting to buy the gun, two white guys called me ‘chin*’ and made fun of me because I wore a mask.”

The New York Times quoted David Liu, owner of Arcadia Firearm and Safety in the predominantly Asian city of Arcadia in California, as saying there is an uptick in Asian-Americans buying firearms though admittedly interest has been skyrocketing among “basically everybody.”

In a survey by the National Shooting Sports Foundation last year gun retailers estimated there was a nearly 43 percent increase in sales to Asian customers in the first half of 2020, the Times added.

But people like Pham, Phuc and Nguyen know that violence is never the correct response to violence.

On February 26 senior officials of the U.S. Justice Department claimed that the recent surge in violence and hate incidents against Asian-Americans is unacceptable, and promised to investigate those cases and other hate crimes.

These “horrific attacks on Asian-Americans across the country” have “no place in our society,” Deputy Attorney General John Carlin said while speaking about domestic terrorism, adding that the Justice Department is “committed to putting a stop to it.”

Agents and prosecutors at the department would “look at recent footage from New York and California to see those horrific attacks directed at Asian Americans, to realize how dire the threats are,” he said.

But in the meantime, Pham knows he needs his children with him if he wants to venture outside home.

“I just want to feel safe and not fear for my life when going out without disturbing my children.”

German translator Guenter Giesenfeld, poet Sándor Halmosi, writer Kieu Bich Hau, poet Laura Garavaglia.

This is contained in the prologue of writer Kieu Bich Hau’s piece about international literary friends.

The first is Italian poet Laura Garavaglia who first came to Vietnam in spring 2019. Writer Kieu Bich Hau welcomed her as directed by the Vietnam Writers Association. On the bus to the guest house, they exchanged business cards and she was surprised to learn that Laura Garavaglia is President of the House of Poems in Como, Director of the European Poetry Festival, besides being a poet, literary translator and journalist.

Looking at the tall, thin woman, having entered her sixties, writer Kieu Bich Hau wondered how she could do so many things at the one time. The House of Poems in Como and the Vietnam Writers’ Association signed a cooperation agreement, with the Italian side publishing Vietnamese literature, cuisine, tourism, and general cultural research in Italy while at the same time, the Vietnamese side will establish an Italian cultural club in Hanoi. Currently, Garavaglia is gathering Vietnamese literature and cultural books to teach students, so that young Italians can better understand Vietnam, a place she loves.

Meanwhile, Vietnam has also become captivated with Sándor Halmosi, a Hungarian poet, for the country’s freedom, enthusiasm and colorful tropical cuisine.

With a continuous future connection, the promotion of cross-published works between the two countries will introduce readers to the beauty of traditional and contemporary literature, the richness, differences and similarities in the souls of Hungarians and the Vietnamese.

Sándor Halmosi has paid much attention to Vietnam, not only its food, traffic, music on the bus, but also Vietnamese architecture.

Writer Kieu Bich Hau partly explains the passion of Sándor Halmosi when she read “Milyenek a magyarok?” (Who are the Hungarians?) by Lakfi Janós. Indeed, the Hungarian character is somewhat similar to that of the Vietnamese: intelligent and witty.

Sándor Halmosi is also a translator, mathematician, speaker, founder of a Hungarian literary and art organisation and owner of a publishing house. In 2020, his AB ART Publishing House published two Vietnamese books, bringing the total number of Vietnamese books published in Hungary so far to 79. These were the books “An Anthology of Vietnam War Poems” and Bao Ninh’s short story named ‘Camp of Seven Dwarves’. In 2021, Sándor Halmosi will continue to translate and will publish a novel and a collection of Vietnamese poetry in Hungary.

Once, before visiting the capital city of Budapest, writer Kieu Bich Hau asked Sándor Halmosi what was his favorite dish in Hanoi, so she could bring it. The poet said that she can bring to Budapest a busy, bustling Hanoi street with motorcycles, pedestrians, buses, and streetside shops. “It is vital for my mind! “, he said.

Another international literary friend of writer Kieu Bich Hau is Andrea H. Hedes ,currently working as a writer, translator and owner of a publishing house in her home country, as well as editor-in-chief of a cultural magazine in Romania called Neuma.

Andrea H. Hedes is a multi-talented woman. They met but only exchanged business cards, unable to chat. So Kieu Bich Hau was very surprised when she received an email from Andrea H. Hedes.

Andrea H. Hedes translated and published Vietnamese poems regularly in NEUMA magazine in 2019 and 2020. These helped her discover more about the Vietnamese soul. Her poems about Vietnam were scattered in Romanian literary magazines and newspapers. They were welcomed by readers and created questions about Vietnam. She decided to write a book of poems about Vietnam to publish in her country.

All three new and close friends share the belief that literature, poetry, and a strong sense of connection are the only way to preserve the human soul.

Nhan Dan

Dr Lê Nguyên Phương, who worked as a school psychologist in the US, has returned to Việt Nam to focus on the topic of mental health in families. He shares some insights into parenting with Vân Anh .

Dr Lê Nguyên Phương. Photo courtesy of Phương

Inner Sanctum: Why did you begin to focus on the topic of mental health in families in Việt Nam?

I believe that healthy citizens make a healthy society, especially mentally-healthy citizens. The older generation of Vietnamese went through war and poverty and experienced trauma. Culturally, in Vietnamese families, corporal punishment (smacking) is used to coerce children into compliance. Socially, parents are too busy with accumulating wealth and spend too little time listening to or accommodating their children’s needs, so the younger generation often feel that their emotions are neglected. “Helicopter parents”, meanwhile, put a lot of pressure on their children to perform and achieve to their own expectations, regardless of the child’s dreams or characteristics. Consequently, as children become adults they may have an identity crisis or other mental health issues due to a lack of support and understanding from the family. What will our society be like in the next 10 or 20 years when this younger generation are leaders?

Inner Sanctum: Can you tell us about your book “Dạy con trong hoang mang” (Raising children in confusion)? How has it been received?

The two-volume book has been warmly received not only by parents but also by critics. Some parents thought my books would provide tips and tricks to help raise children, or address certain types of misbehaviour. It’s actually the opposite, though. It addresses parents’ core values and worldviews, and as a result their parenting approach. I divided each topic into smaller case studies, provided arguments for different parenting approaches, and backed them up with scientific evidence. This approach allows readers to engage in discussions, re-examine their own values and desires, and explore and understand why they raise their children in certain ways.

Inner Sanctum: How do parenting styles in the US and Việt Nam differ?

The US is too large a country and its demographics too complex to generalise, but, certainly, corporal punishment is illegal in most states. But the biggest difference is the abundance of resources such as mental health services and parenting courses in the US. There are even courses for couples preparing to marry. That’s something I’m actually working on, to provide resources on parenting for Vietnamese parents as well as on family and marriage issues for couples.

Inner Sanctum: A lot of professionals have recently focused on childhood trauma. Why do you think this has been on the rise?

Besides professionals, society in general has also been paying greater attention to types of trauma, whether developmental or societal. As a country goes through war, poverty, and other hardships, generation after generation suffers. There is an urgent need for help, but professional services are limited. Equipped with more knowledge about mental health and related disorders, people are now more aware of stress, anxiety, and depression among children. Most children with these challenges have experienced childhood trauma. Society also pays more attention to relations between different personalities and childhood experiences. From an academic perspective, we once focused only on theoretical psychology, not on applied psychology, which provides more information on mental health and treatments. With happiness the goal in a successful life, taking care of one’s mental health and especially childhood trauma becomes significant.

WISE WORDS: Dr Lê Nguyên Phương speaks at a talk on identifying and healing after childhood trauma. Photo Dr Lê Nguyên Phương

Inner Sanctum: What is a good approach to parenting in Vietnamese society?

I personally believe that throughout our lives we learn through failure. Cultivating wisdom and compassion help us become a better version of ourselves not only as parents but as human beings. For parenting, an approach I hold in high regard is the authoritative approach according to Diane Baumrind’s research, which has four criteria: expectation, discipline, support, and love, all scaled up. High expectations include being aware of children’s needs and being able to provide a lot of love. It’s not an easy approach, and of course you don’t have to wait until you possess all these qualities before you become a parent. But if you choose to try and walk that path as an authoritative parent, you will eventually improve.

Inner Sanctum: Do you think parenting styles have changed significantly across generations? Can you give us some examples?

Parenting styles in Việt Nam have definitely improved. Many parents refrain from corporal punishment and some even refrain from scolding. But what’s most important for Vietnamese parents is to face their own fears and greed, to avoid shaping children into certain models and inadvertently causing them to suffer.

Inner Sanctum: How can families build strong bonds and connections that help grow support, trust, and understanding between parents and children?

It’s an ongoing process and I am designing a programme, which has the acronym HELP: H for Harmony, E for Empathy, L for Learning, and P for Peace. While Harmony and Empathy emphasise relationships between members of a family, Learning and Peace focus more on working to improve oneself. Families need to learn, play, and work together. Parents tend to give up on play once they become parents, so they don’t know how to play with their kids. Entertainment like scrolling through Facebook is not playing. Families should be a team, to foster empathy and harmony among members. Even bedtime stories can be playing. Sharing the household chores also allow family members to have fun together instead of feeling obligated to do so.

Communication is also extremely important. Besides content, communication also includes context, tone, facial expressions, and word choice. Besides communicating to inform, communication can also soothe people’s feelings. You should be aware and reflective of your tone, your attitude, and the purpose of the conversation, to gain knowledge of the way you communicate, so you will be able to transform and grow together with your family.

Inner Sanctum: We’ve talked a lot about parenting. How about methods for children to communicate better with their parents and to negotiate?

Well, I have developed another model called the model of transformation for each individual. It consists of six “selfs”: self-awareness, self-knowledge, self-determination, self-governance, self-constitution, and self-liberation. First you need to be aware of and know yourself well enough to express yourself. Then you can communicate your determination to your parents and take ownership of your life. You need to be polite but, more importantly, assertive when voicing your needs. If you don’t already possess these skills, you can learn them and practise. Remember, submission to your parents is not the same as love and respect. Of course, when communicating, you need to keep an open mind and have no predetermined ideas. When there’s conflict, communication to learn and grow together is crucial. VNS

Things are looking up for this year. We’re all, Vietnamese and foreigners, anticipating the arrival of vaccines and getting an injection (the ‘jab’) in the near future. Woo-ho!

Sure, we’re not out of the woods as far as COVID-19 is concerned and certainly Vietnam’s economic recovery will take a few years more, I suspect. Yet the locals around my neck of the woods in Hoi An, central Vietnam are pretty upbeat and making plans.

Whether any of the investment is justified in the present economic climate I don’t know, but that’s not stopping a zillion Vietnamese in my area building coffee shops all over the place, in the faith that domestic tourism, at least, is going to save everyone’s bacon. Strangely, more than a few foreigners have whizzed into the local beach scene with newly opened bars as well.

With names that belong more in fantasy novels than in real life such as Comirnaty, Moderna, AstraZeneca, Sputnik V, CoronaVac, EpiVacCorona, and much more still to be bizarrely named, the first four are the front runners to hope for arrival in Vietnam.

Sadly, the expat community in Vietnam will be the last on the list – let’s face it, we really don’t have that much on the Vietnamese economy. I wonder if I married a local, would that help speed things up vaccine-wise?

Being something of an introvert and a loner, a few more months or another year or so of waiting for a vaccine and the ability to travel overseas is not that much of a problem for me. At least around Hoi An, life’s so comfortable that staying put is an easy ask. But there’s so much still to be sorted out.

Which jab is the best? When can foreigners get it? Will we get documents acceptable to other countries as proof of vaccination? This worries me a bit as that could be a potential flashpoint for a money grab from unsuspecting travelers. Will the documents be universal? Will this allow us to avoid the quarantine on arrival at overseas destinations, and finally, can we return to Vietnam?

In the end, there’s not much choice when it comes to vaccines. Get a jab of something or you might be looking at not traveling or even limitations on obtaining employment. At least, I’m not weasy about needles.

Just for fun, I asked a few of the Vietnamese in my neighborhood and their answers were pretty much what you’d expect anywhere – “We hope will it work out; we don’t really understand what’s the best thing to do and we’ll wait until someone else tries the vaccine first before we have a go.”

When I was a kid, I was chronically sick, bed-ridden for nearly a year at one point. So, I’ve had a bucket load of vaccines and medicines. No one asked me if I wanted to have these things, just “be quiet and swallow.” However, I’m still alive and as far as I know I didn’t make anyone else sick. Sooner or later, we have to take risks to stay healthy and protect others; we’re just lucky enough to be living in an era when this is medically possible.

Yeah, I’ll have the jab, thanks – now where’s my ticket out of here?