Which caught you more off-guard: Kevin Durant signing with the Warriors or Kevin Durant getting Rick James’ face tattooed on his leg?
Adam Mares (@Adam_Mares, Nylon Calculus): The shock of Durant picking the Warriors wore off pretty quickly. It was a bit like jumping into a swimming pool in that, even though we saw it coming, there was still a moment of surprise. After a few days, that surprise wore off. The shock of the Rick James tattoo will never go away. In 20 years I’ll see a photo of it and still scratch my head. It’s the most famous and gaudy tattoo since Kenyon Martin put Trina’s lips in a crown on his neck. And you know what? I’m glad he did it! The NBA is amazing because sometimes guys do things like put a Rick James portrait on their body.
Brandon Jefferson (@pengriffey_jr, Friendly Bounce): Definitely getting Rick James’ face tattooed. The Tupac one I can understand because his meaning to culture extended beyond his music. James on the other hand is most well-known for “Super Freak” and the classic impersonation of him done by Dave Chappelle (link is NSFW). After the Thunder bowed out to the Golden State Warriors in the Western Conference Finals, all Durant spoke of was making a “basketball decision” and the Warriors made the most sense from a basketball standpoint. On a different note, if KD is turning his right leg into a musical shrine I’m placing the odds at which legend he adds next in the following order: Biggie Smalls 2:1, Chuck Brown 5:2, Phife Dawg 15:4 and Wu-Tang Clan 30:1.
Wes Goldberg (@wcgoldberg, Hardwood Paroxysm): Dude went from the Thunder to the Warriors. That’s leveling up two or three tiers in the Western Conference. It was a smart thing for Durant to do. It made a ton of sense. In fact, anything but would have made a lot less to zero sense. I was all on board the Durant-makes-decisions-that-just-make-sense train until he went from a Tupac tat which made sense to Rick James???? Like what? That’s leveling down multiple levels. Durant’s entire summer made sense until Rick James. He joined the Warriors aka the best team out West and got Tupac ink aka the best rapper out of the West Coast. But Rick James is…not.
Matt Rutkowski (@MontaWorldPeace, Friendly Bounce): I can’t say either caught me completely off guard because both seemed like reasonable possibilities at the end of the season. But I’m going to go with the move to the Warriors. Tattoos, to me, are whatever. The interesting part is their story. I don’t know what the story behind Rick James’ face is, but I’m sure if I were to hear it my reaction would be “oh, that’s nice” and then I’d move on with my life. I still do double takes when I have to confront the idea that former MVP still in his prime joining a 73-win team. I’m sure my being freaked out by the Warriors will wear off eventually, but Rick James isn’t all that freaky.
Philip Rossman-Reich (@omagicdaily, Hardwood Paroxysm): Definitely the Rick James tattoo. I was not even sure Kevin Durant would be old enough to know who Rick James was outside of the Chapelle’s Show sketch. This is the NBA. Crazy things happen all the time with player transactions. It was not like we were not warned. Adrian Wojnarowski dictated . . . err reported . . . the Warriors would be interested in Durant and had made some moves to free up the space for him in February. It was on everyone’s radar that some big teams would be lining up for Durant. The odds were unlikely, but there was a chance. A Rick James tattoo? Where the heck did that come from? Cocaine is a hell of a drug, I guess. Note: That is not libel, that is a quote from Chapelle’s Show.
Who wins more games next season — the Minnesota Timberwolves or the Denver Nuggets?
Mares: The Denver Nuggets, but not by much. Both teams are a year away from making (or not making) the big leap so there isn’t any pressure for either team to win this season. However, the Nuggets have fewer question marks heading into the season. The starting lineup is set, as are most of the roles, and the coaching staff has a year of familiarity with the roster. The Timberwolves have a lot more question marks including a new coach, new system, and a potential backcourt controversy brewing. They do have Karl-Anthony Towns who could single-handedly erase all of these questions but my bet is they leapfrog Denver in 2017-18, not this upcoming season.
Jefferson: The Minnesota Timberwolves. The Nuggets have amassed a roster full of talented prospects, but they don’t have a player that screams superstar. The Timberwolves have exactly that in Karl-Anthony Towns. The reigning Rookie of the Year should only improve in year two and the addition of Tom Thibodeau has me a believer in the Twin Cities. With Thibs shouting hoarsely from the sidelines the T-Wolves should make a leap from their 27th overall finish in defensive efficiency last year. For the Nuggets, Mudiay and Jokic are fun to watch and they added intriguing pieces in the draft with Jamal Murray, Juan Hernangomez and Malik Beasley, but they’re still a couple years — or a big trade — away from being a team to reckon with.
Goldberg: The Timberwolves. Andrew Wiggins is going into his third year and should make the Third Year Jump. If you add that to Karl Anthony Towns at the very least repeating his super rookie season, the Wolves could have two All-Star level players. Plus they went from Sam Mitchell to Tom Thibodeau. That’s like going from Nickelback to Pearl Jam, and it’s worth at least 12 wins.
Rutkowski: I think I’ll know better in April, but considering this isn’t April and this question is being asked now, I’ll do my best. This is like betting on who will win a drag race: a supercar assembled by high school sophomores with a IKEA instructions, or a slightly used Ford Taurus. We know the Taurus will at least move forward, but the supercar could be more fun. Then again, Thibs could push the supercar too hard and go flying into a ravine. Luckily, ravines are part of the growing process for a young car, and younger players are better at dealing with being in fourth gear constantly. Nurkic and Jokic fighting over who gets shotgun is a concern as well. I hope the Taurus’ air-conditioning works. Although the Nuggets are in Denver, and winter is coming, so they should be able to ride it out until the next summer. I’ve completely lost control of this simile. I don’t know. The Timberwolves.
Rossman-Reich: The Minnesota Timberwolves. I think Minnesota is a little further along in its development with an experienced Andrew Wiggins and veterans on the roster to help build the team further. They are starting far ahead of where Denver was last year. And there is that Tom Thibodeau fellow. I guess I am in the minority being skeptical about the Denver Nuggets. They had a nice finish to last season, but doing that for 82 games is difficult. It is not like the Timberwolves have proven much of anything either. But Minnesota has Thibodeau and Karl-Anthony Towns. Their talent level is at a higher level. I expect Minnesota to take a more concrete step forward this season.
Rank the watchability of the Brooklyn Nets on a scale from NCIS: New Orleans to the original NCIS
Mares: I haven’t ever watched a single second of any type of NCIS so I couldn’t tell you what this question means but I have been to New Orleans and was briefly arrested and imprisoned for stopping what I thought was a bunch of inappropriate men from harassing a young woman (turns out they were undercover cops). Still, New Orleans is a pretty sweet town and my one and only trip to the slammer can’t ruin my opinion of such a cool city. So, I can only assume that comparing the Nets to “NCIS: New Orleans” means that there will be highs and lows and, well, I think the Nets season will be mostly lows with the tiniest hint at some burgeoning optimism. I’m going with regular NCIS.
Jefferson: I also have never seen anything NCIS or any other cable drama titled in abbreviation. However, for my ranking I am going to choose CSI: Cyber. Again, I never watched one minute of this show, but it stands out in my memory because its cast featured Shad “Bow Wow” Moss. Growing up, Bow Wow was the person I wanted to be and thought I was cornrows and a Harlem Shake away from making that dream a reality. However, it never worked out for me. Bow Wow is a person that no matter how infamous or out of the loop he becomes in pop culture I will always click on a story that features his name. The same goes for recent Brooklyn Nets addition Anthony Bennett. The former number one pick has earned his bust title after poor play on three different teams in his first three seasons in the NBA. Yet, I will always be in his corner. I had faith leading up to the draft and I still have faith in the lead up to the 2016-17 season.
Goldberg: Ian’s the only one who watches NCIS. That’s how you know he made these questions. That said, if the Brooklyn Nets were a season of Dexter, they are Season 6. The season where they had no creative ideas and went with the religious apocalyptic angle. Classic TV desperation move. Brook Lopez is Colin Hanks in this metaphor, and Sean Marks in Michael C. Hall, trying to hold everything together and hope that things work out in the coming years. (They didn’t for Dexter.) (Yes, the Warriors are Season 4.)
Rutkowski: I’ve never watched NCIS, and I don’t plan on watching much of the Nets so my answer is “yes.” I’ll answer a different question instead. Is Jeremy Lin more fun to watch than Mark Harmon? Again my answer is yes. I might watch a Nets game to see what Lin does. Harmon has never made me watch NCIS. Though he was in Fresh Prince of Bel-Air once. That was a fun show. Jeremy Lin was in Linsanity once. That was a fun show as well. I think I liked Linsanity better, but I get the feeling it’s not going to age quite as well as Fresh Prince did.
Rossman-Reich: Is there really a difference? I am going to say Law and Order: Los Angeles.
How many calories a day do you think it will take to fuel Russell Westbrook’s campaign of destruction? Like, is he in Michael Phelps territory?
Mares: I’m not sure Westbrook’s energy output can be measured by “calories burned.” Exajoules are probably a bit more appropriate. Earthquakes and Tornados are often measured in exajoules and those are much more analogous to what we can expect from a vengeful, angry Westbrook this season who will only be weighed down by the giant chip on his shoulder. I’ll go with 13.7 exajoules.
Jefferson: Russell Westbrook can’t be quantified by your simple science, therefore this question is invalid. The proper way to measure anything that Westbrook does is in “Brodies”. If you don’t know what Brodies are then I can’t help you understand what it is Russ is doing when he speeds head-first into eight or more bodies and attempts to finish at the rim.
Goldberg: There are 170 calories in a 12 oz. can of Mountain Dew. Michael Phelps consumes 12,000 calories a day. So Russell Westbrook has to drink 71 cans of Mountain Dew a day. I won’t be the one to tell him he can’t.
Rutkowski: There are, theoretically, 3,500 calories to a pound of body weight. Russell Westbrook wants his pound of flesh, so I’m going with that.
Rossman-Reich: Russell Westbrook’s anger is like a fusion reactor. It has no need for calories. It is a self-perpetuating cycle of destruction, energy and power waiting to be unleashed. And that release of power only makes him more powerful and destructive. This is the unstoppable force personified. Liam Neeson from Taken and Jack Bauer from 24 all in one. There is no stopping him. He will get his way.
Pick a new team for Lance Stephenson.
Mares: The New York Knicks. Sure they already have a “super-team” and a hometown hero in both Carmelo Anthony (sort of) and Joakim Noah but why not keep going? Add another NYC guy in Lance and fully embrace being the highly combustible team with lots of “big names” that probably doesn’t fit together. No one is beating the Cavs or Warriors next season anyway so they might as well create the most absurd roster possible.
Jefferson: Shanghai Sharks. China needs Lance much more than we do in America. The face off against the Beijing Ducks led by Stephon Marbury and the Stephenson-led Sharks will be a battle for the title of supreme leader of Coney Island. Winner gets naming rights to the beloved Cyclone ride.
Goldberg: The Flint Tropics and I want to see him wrestle a bear.
Rutkowski: The Indiana Pacers. I miss fun Lance. I miss the cheeky guy who would blow on your ear because his mind could conceive the notion that that was a step toward an NBA championship. Fun Lance was last spotted in Indianapolis. Let’s put him back there.
Rossman-Reich: Shanghai Sharks. Lance Stephenson needs to go somewhere he can be Lance Stephenson. Give him the ball and let him go. No personality problems. No clashing with teammates. Some place where he can blow on people’s ears and be Lance Stephenson and no one will care. That whole winning NBA titles thing is not important. China provides that salvation.
More from Hardwood Paroxysm
- Hanging out with Manu Ginobili at the mall18h ago
- HP Hot Takeover: Shaquille O’Neal had the greatest rookie season ever19h ago
- Over and Back: How did Dr. J become an ABA legend?21h ago
- HP Hot Takeover: Smush Parker is one of the greatest Laker PGs of all-time21h ago
- HP Hot Takeover: The Rockets would’ve beaten Jordan in the NBA Finals23h ago
This article originally appeared on
- Nick Kyrgios loses to Rafael Nadal in Australian Open fourth-round clash
- Nick Kyrgios channels Kobe Bryant in fighting loss to Rafa Nadal in Australian Open fourth round
- NBA trade rumors: Everybody should be trying to get Aron Baynes from the Suns if Phoenix makes him available
- Report: Kings may bring in GM to work under Vlade Divac this summer
- Kevin Durant: Why the NBA Superstar Had to Blow Up His Life to Get His Shot
- NBA Fastbreak: Kyrie Irving still learning how to be a leader in Brooklyn
- NBA Power Rankings: From Paris to Milwaukee Giannis Antetokounmpo keeps on winning
- NBA trade rumors: Lakers reject Kings' offer for Kyle Kuzma, counter by asking for Bogdan Bogdanovic
- Federal investigators look for answers in Kobe Bryant helicopter crash
- Emotional moment Tiger Woods finds out Kobe Bryant has died in helicopter crash after playing in Farmers Insurance Open
- Thousands gather outside Staples Center to pay their respects to Kobe Bryant who died alongside his daughter and seven others in chopper crash
- Kobe’s boyhood hero Oscar Schmidt celebrates ‘annoying kid’
Rounding up the end of the NBA summer have 2607 words, post on www.foxsports.com at September 8, 2016. This is cached page on VietNam Breaking News. If you want remove this page, please contact us.